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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25639969">Living in Withermarsh</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PercyFied/pseuds/PercyFied'>PercyFied</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>No Fandom, Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eating Disorders, F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:28:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25639969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PercyFied/pseuds/PercyFied</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Girls on the opposite ends of the social spectrum find a point of contact neither of them would've preferred.</p><p>Overarching Trigger Warning for eating disorders!! This is about two girls with EDs and eventually a helpgroup on the subject, please don't read if that's triggering at all!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Living in Withermarsh</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rolling clouds and smoke rings are all she can see. It's all she wants from her existence at this point. Sitting on the roof of her apartment at midnight and smoking half a pack of cigarettes can be a little reminder that she is still alive. It can make her heartbeat enough, she can hear it and she can feel, finally. Like a release from the high strung stress of existence, of breathing, of every step feeling wrong. </p><p> Some days, she wanted to jump from the roof. But remembering she still had to wake up early to help her sister with her workout made her reschedule.</p><p> "Maybe someday," She whispered to herself as she put her cigarette out, flicking the butt off of the roof. She climbed off of the roof, slamming onto the metal fire escape stairs and opening the window connected to the platform. Climbing in and shutting it behind her, she walked back casually to her own room. </p><p> It was a small space, a twin-sized mattress barely fitting into it. She had installed a couple of layers of shelving to hold most of her items along with her dresser parallel to her bed. Clay skulls and carved bone lay atop her dresser, along with an empty Altoids can of cigarettes, her baseball hat, and a small bowl of stim toys. She had a chew necklace, a tangle, and a fidget cube all together. She always was rather minimalist, with few items. She always tried to only keep enough personal items to fill a backpack, or maybe a suitcase. </p><p> She always assumed everything was temporary. She didn't know what to expect, so she always wanted to be ready. Ready for whatever. Ready to die, if she had to. </p><p> Laying down and feeling her joints snap crackle pop on her stiff mattress, exhaling as she felt her bones warm up under the covers, it was dreamlike for her. For the second time tonight, she felt her world drift away. For better or for worse. </p><p> She was awake before her eyes opened and the world hit her in waves of reality. The daily chatter in a new love-filled home before school is something she'll never be used to. Still, she was out of bed and dressed and she's walking out of her room, mind still swimming and she was still dizzy. </p><p> "Hey, Kadin!" </p><p>Seeing her sister was enough to pull her out of her stupor, drunken by sleep, and the slightest smile pulled at the sides of her mouth. She was contorted like a snake, in her early workout gear, already working up a sweat on her yoga mat. </p><p> "Hi, Mai," She said as she sat next to her, watching her body relax as she moved back into a human sitting pose instead of a breakdancing snake freeze frame. </p><p> "Wanna help me do curls?" She asked, and when Kadin nodded she moved onto the proper position, hands flat on the ground. Kadin held her feet and she moved up, curling with a soft grunt on each ascension, and Kadin kept a soft count, watching her. </p><p> Deep down, she was constantly jealous. Perfect little Chuong Mai, athletic and talented and sweet and well natured. Her beautiful eyes, her non-greasy hair, her nice body. Oh what Kadin wouldn't give for a body like hers, skinny and prim and proper. Mai simply enjoyed keeping fit and healthy, but Kadin couldn't help but envy her self control, her power, her beauty that could never be replicated. </p><p> Kadin was lost in thought, barely muttering, and Mai kissed her nose, putting her arms back to hold herself up. Brown eyes met black and Mai's gentle smile hurt more than anything. </p><p> "What's up?" </p><p> The question was simple, a small check-up between adopted siblings, but Kadin hesitated. She shrugged and leaned her chin onto Mai's knees, glancing away. </p><p> "What time is it?" Kadin asked. </p><p> "About… Five forty."</p><p> "Should we leave soon?"</p><p> "Yeah, I guess so." She raised a hand to tousle up Kadin's hair, still without her trademark hat. Kadin grumbled and reached up to fix it, though she couldn't help but smile at Mai. </p><p> She couldn't help a lot of things, could she? She can't control herself or anyone else. She is simply an observer of a sack of meat. She is omnipotent, watching herself walk down the street with her sister, feeling the disconnect with the beat of the music blasting in her ears. </p><p>They were at school before she could get back into her own head, and Mai took her arm to lead her through the crowded halls. Mai often acted like her seeing-eye dog in moments like these, and Kadin got over the embarrassment of it all within a week. Eventually, though, Mai’s comforting hold left her arm and she felt a kiss to her forehead and was left at her first period of the day and the empty feeling felt ever-present again.</p><p>She’s like a tuna can with no tuna, and she can tap on the tin all day but she can’t feel anything inside. She’s gotten rather used to that, too.</p><p>She sat down in her English class. Waves of honey-golden light filled the otherwise dark room by the wall of symmetrical windows, allowing the students to appreciate the sunrise. She got ready for another day of rolling her eyes at pretentious try-hards, which consists of mostly just eye exercises as she stares at the Inspiration Wall, a wall her English teacher Mr. Toffee covered in artwork and poetry. </p><p>Though Kadin wasn’t prepared to glance to the door during her eye stretches and see Tiffany Vincze waltz in. She's all perfection, with soft hair and soft edges and bones. She’s wearing something probably against the dress code, a crop-top hoodie with no shirt underneath and yoga pants and Kadin can see her hip bones under the spandex, and Kadin has to shut her eyes to keep her head from feeling light. <br/> Maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's lesbianism, but Kadin isn’t really up to figuring out which one it is, so she decided it was just the shock of seeing Tiffany here. She is a notorious popular girl- She has it all. Athletic, smart, and hot enough to objectify even as a 15-year-old. She was in an honors English class, everyone knew that, so she must have dropped out if she was here.</p><p>Kadin’s eyes followed her subtly as she approached Mr. Toffee, watching her speak quietly, and move to her seat. She was across from Kadin, their desks in neat rows facing the whiteboard.</p><p>Kadin was… Embarrassed. She felt bad, or guilty- Okay, she couldn’t exactly tell which emotion it was, but it was deep in her gut and it was eating her from the inside out. Something about Tiffany next to her, existing, with a soft frown but eyes still full of pride, made her wilt like a flower in winter.</p><p> The feeling was soon masked once the bell rang and Mr. Toffee jumped up to the front, ready to get into the class. Kadin’s eyes seemed to gloss over as the teacher went into his lecture on their current book- Macbeth. Kadin wasn’t completely opposed to Shakespeare like some students in her class, but she was far from an expert. She did enjoy his themes of murder and the soliloquies- To be or not to be, or whatever, the whole skull-holding, forever-blooded hands, the witches and their cauldrons, the general vibe. If the language wasn’t so confusing, more people would like him. </p><p>Kadin didn’t much appreciate the pretentious tone, but maybe that’s how everyone talked back then. Maybe people would look back on the language of their time and say the same thing.</p><p>Maybe no one wanted to put in the effort of translating the entire book for a theme that can be summed up as “Don’t commit murder” and “Power corrupts,” themes that can be found in like, 50 modern movies with Ryan Reynolds kicking somebody to death. That would keep high schoolers’ attention much better than Macbeth’s dramatic crying into the void.</p><p>Mr. Toffee asked a question Kadin didn’t process, though she tuned back in for a boy's answer- Which boy? Who cares- and he spoke with an air of pride.</p><p>“Well, I think Macbeth was in the right. Lady Macbeth is clearly the power-hungry one between the two of them. I think Shakespeare wanted to show off the power dynamics in marriage, and how much power the woman has.” He said, speaking with his hands as he seemed to ramble.</p><p> Kadin's mouth hung open, head slightly tilted, clearly confused. She looked to Mr. Toffee, who also seemed surprised, but he put on a smile. He was never one to discourage a student.</p><p>“That certainly is a creative viewpoint, Connor. Does anyone else want to share who they think is correct?”</p><p> Mr. Toffees' eyes roamed through the students, who turned their heads down to their desks in avoidance. Kadin awkwardly made eye contact with him and frowned, and Mr. Toffee smiled as if Kadin raised her hand, gesturing for her to speak. Kadin felt her heart rate increase and her hands begin to sweat instantly, inhaling quickly.</p><p>Before Kadin could even conceptualize an answer, Tiffany cleared her throat and Kadin glanced her direction- Tiffany was putting her hand down. Kadin felt the aftershock of anxiety as her brain turned off the sirens. </p><p>“Er, I think Macbeth is… I dunno, completely wrong. He seems like he totally cares more about power than anything. Lady Macbeth wants power too, sure, but it's not like Macbeth didn’t have any say. He so could’ve done something else, but he went along with Lady Macbeth…” She spoke with unapologetic pauses, ending with a shrug. </p><p>Mr. Toffee hummed, sounding impressed, lips pressed into a smile. “Very nice thought, Tiffany. Would you say then it is solely Macbeth, or is it shared blame?”</p><p>Tiffany pursed her glossed lips, “Yeah, I guess so. I think Macbeth might’ve done it without Lady Macbeth too, though, he just seems like the type,” She said, leaning her arms onto her desk.</p><p>There were scattered giggles around the class, but as Kadin glanced at her, she wasn’t smiling and didn't seem to be joking.<br/>Kadin regretted glancing over, as Tiffany had noticed this time, and brown eyes met green. Kadin felt the hair on her neck stand on end as she froze and Tiffany scowled, glare harsh before turning her head forward again.</p><p>Kadin exhaled softly, looking down at her desk. She avoided Tiffany's venomous gaze like her life depended on it, afraid her soul may leave her body if she looks into those eyes again.<br/>Soon the bell is ringing and Kadin stands up, picking her backpack from the floor and rushing out of the classroom. She already felt exhausted, Tiffany’s presence was psychic damage. Her looks were enough to shock her system, Kadin could hardly help but blush at this point. </p><p>Tiffany was pretty hot, if you asked Kadin. But she isn’t a lesbian, of course not. Every girl looks at girls and gets heart palpitations, an uptick in butterflies, it's perfectly natural.</p><p>Kadin arrived at her next class, sat herself down, and laid her head straight down on the desk. The bell rang moments after. It was going to be a long day.</p>
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